patrick calder, only human

travel

2008-06-26T19:15:57Z

I will travel.

I have some money right now. I want to spend it on travel, before I spend it on something silly like bills or food.

I can and will go anywhere in the world.* But... because I don't relish the thought of a bus tour where you ride for 4 hours, get out and take pictures, ride for 4 hours, get out and take pictures... I kind of have a problem. Since I don't drive, I either need to go someplace small or with excellent public transportation, or I need to go with a friend who drives.

So... does anyone have any thoughts about either? Does anyone want to travel this year, with company?

And even if you don't... I'd love to hear suggestions for trips. I have a few places I've considered, (Scotland and Denmark, for family background; Indonesia for friends and cool places, Hong Kong, Singapore, and almost anywhere in the US.).

with a rubber hose

2008-06-17T05:38:43Z

Two weekends ago, I got a lucky opportunity. A friend had to bow out of a scheduled photo shoot, and recommended me to fill her spot. (So I wasn't the first choice, but I can forgive her for not realizing how wonderful I am.... this once.)

We had a beautiful woman modeling, who was amazingly brave and outgoing. And her costume consisted primarily of a liquid latex applied while we were photographing. How often does this kind of opportunity come up? (Not enough, IMO.) I had a lot of fun. Everyone was amazingly nice. And I got a few good pictures out of it. They're not all public, because I don't know that Jennie would want them to be. But if you know me well enough, I'll probably be willing to share them in a more controlled nature. In the mean time... a sample:

natural bokeh

2008-05-26T20:14:25Z

I was looking at the shadows as I walked back from getting lunch today. I noticed the difference in shadows between the tree leaves verses unnatural structures, like signs and buildings and stuff. It eventually occurred to me, the shapes of the light through the tree leaves amounted to a natural occurring bokeh effect. It wasn't something I had heard of before. And google searches don't turn up much.

But if you look up pinhole cameras on wikipedia, you find out that Aristotle and Euclid both wrote about tree-filtered light being essentially pin-hole camera technology.

So I'm only a few millennia behind the curve.

look

2008-05-19T05:02:47Z

I fell in love, last week.

I was sitting in Starbucks over in Dupont on Tuesday afternoon, waiting for a client. I sat at the only space available, at a table across from a girl writing a paper on her laptop. She was cute in a geeky kind of way, with the glasses and the hair pulled back and all. She had this really great grin, when I first sat down. A half-grin that is just waiting to say something.

But she never stopped grinning. I must have sat there at least an hour and a half. It wasn't a grin. That was just her look. I dunno if I could handle a woman who's everyday look was enough to make me weak.

Thankfully I'm a huge wuss, and never really said anything to her.

tilt

2008-04-13T16:59:25Z

Taken walking home at 4:30 in the morning last night.

second drink

2008-04-10T04:58:01Z

To clear up an apparently common misconception regarding my recent post on drinking...

I was:

- NOT complaining about people who ask me if I want a drink
- NOT bitching about ... well.. anything
- NOT upset with... anyone
- NOT saying I would never drink

Obviously the subject has come up a lot in my past. And that day, I just felt like I wanted to write something about it. It wasn't a backlash to any singular or combined incident(s). Call it passively educational.

Barring premature death -- probably from pissing off an angry woman -- I will drink, eventually. Until that time, I'll go back to keeping the neurotic parts of this in my own head.

Drinking and Defining "Is"

2008-03-30T20:52:39Z

People behave rather ridiculously if you say you aren't drinking. They don't care if you aren't eating, or you aren't dancing. But if you don't have a drink, there must be something interesting happening. And if you've never had a drink, the information will travel. It will be spoken in tones normally reserved for discussing your friend fucking the new girl in the bathroom while his fiance danced 20 feet away. You're cute, and naive, and "probably better off". And once the message has spread, coming up at every social gathering, to inform those people who hadn't heard yet, you will never be offered a drink again. You will forever be the quick, quiet, friendly joke when drinking comes up.

The only thing that will make it more ridiculous is to try and explain that you're not "not drinking", but that you've just never had a drink. People look at it as one of those bullshit, convenient excuses to justify something with no logical explanation.

Why haven't I had a drink?

The big shadow looming over all is of course, my father. A lifelong alcoholic, despite not having had a drink in probably 20 years. But growing up in the family of an alcoholic means spending your formative years hearing that nothing good ever comes from drinking. Drinking means fighting, and yelling, and coming home late at night to go immediately to bed. Drinking is years of self-help and rebuilding your life, and breaking up your family, and...

Of course you grow up, and you realize most things you learned growing up were questionable at best. Alcohol, like most everything in life, is not inherently evil. Addiction is the heart breaker, making people do things despite knowing they're wrong. And the wonders of modern medicine came along just in time to tell me that addiction -- especially alcoholism -- could very well be genetic. Was your father a drunk? Watch out. You could be too. And educated, reasonable debate never had a strong toehold in my family. Don't do drugs... they're all evil and will destroy your life... worse than anything else. Sex education consisted of never closing your door when you had a girl in your room. (Lucky for my mother I was never gay). And whatever you do... don't drink. One drink and you could become an alcoholic.

I don't believe that anymore, of course. It is a "belief", though, because it's never been tested. So I can't provide logical arguments to support it. Just practical experience through many friends and acquaintances, and knowledge of my own mind.

(And don't get me wrong, I don't blame my family for anything. What happened when I was a child was long ago; and you simply can't live in the past. That's as bad an addiction as any drug. And now, I am an adult, and have no one to blame but myself for any choice I make.)

Momentum can make it pretty hard to drink, as well, after a while. Don't drink when you're a teenager? Rare, but sure to be fixed in college. Don't drink in college? Weird, but then someone has to drive us out for burgers at 3 AM after the keg is tapped out. Don't drink in your 20s? Is something wrong... are you a recovering alcoholic? Don't drink in your 30s? Wow... didn't Steve Carell make a movie about you? It keeps becoming a grander, more momentous thing with each passing moment. If it's not now an elixir of the gods, turning me instantly into Buddy Love, then everyone involved will be surely let down.

Maybe I exaggerate a bit. Just a bit.

Probably the biggest remaining issue, that still trips me up is simple neuroses. It's really no secret that I think too much... worry too much. I am forever trying to keep myself from saying or doing something stupid, even while knowing full well that every great thing in my life has come from moments of ignorance or stupidity. While nowhere near as closed off as some people believe, I am forever trying to maintain personal control, like my friends are squirrels who may scamper off at the first loud noise. And the idea of drinking is like purposely ripping a hole in that dam. What stupid thing will I do or say that will ruin everything?

Of course that's stupid. I said it was a neurosis. But like seemingly everything in life, it's easier said than done to actually 'fix' it.

The next time you ask someone why they don't drink, (*ahem* "haven't had a drink"), think about this. And ask yourself would you rather hear all that in the middle of a party, or maybe that joke they make is just a little less likely to kill the mood.

The right image.

2008-03-21T04:46:37Z

There are images that should be captured. Moments that feel like they exist to show you something. Beyond just "I wish I had my camera", they have everything coming together, and you can see it all slipping into place, and you know something's going to happen.

That's about what I felt for the above photo. I was just watching a protest coalescing on the far side of the street. I was in a small group of reporters from various media sources. They were all trying to figure out what to shoot next, while I was just thinking that the protest had pretty much run it's course. It would still go on for a couple hours, but the passion and excitement was gone, and people were only protesting because they were there to protest.

And while I'm watching, this black-robed group detached itself from the main body of protesters, and started sweeping across the street. And that was it. I could see this was the image. I took a quick glance around to see how many people I'd have to fight to get space to make the shot. But no one was paying attention. None of the professional media people cared. None of the vastly more numerous public photographers was watching. You can even see photographers in the background of the image, ignoring them completely. And there was an empty spot just 5 feet away, right in front of the smoothly approaching image.

I swung around and pulled up my camera, and cars started driving in front of me. Bastards. And seconds are slipping by, and it's only 4 lanes, and they're getting closer. And then... click. One image. I normally shoot a 3 or 4 shots of anything, just to avoid a blink or a sneeze or... but no. I got off 1 image. And they were gone. But I love it. Contrast, repetition, art, humanity, the unexpected.

This wasn't my most popular shot of the morning. But I like it the most.

Down with Xenu

2008-03-17T05:12:58Z

Stupid little buggers.

I went to take pictures at the Anonymous protest, yesterday. Anonymous -- if you're unaware -- is a protest movement against the Church of Scientology. The movement's organizers cloak themselves in anonymity to "protect" themselves from the Scientologist's well-documented harassment of any critics. So the protests are generally a lot of people in masks (see: Anonymous) waving signs outside any branch or office of this "Church".

The general things that the protesters are upset about include Scientology's secrecy, their financial focus, questionable physical and mental health practices, their tax-exempt status as a church, and their harassment of former members any just about anyone trying to find out any details about them.

But I had a vaguely bad feeling when I was reading a bit on the local Anonymous chapter's website, here in DC, on Friday night. They were specifically telling their 'members' to be doubtful about anyone who showed up that wasn't part of the protest. Anyone who stopped nearby, or anyone who asked questions, or talked to them in any way, was supposed to be viewed with distrust, since they could be a scientologist "mole". And sure enough, within about two minutes of arriving, and taking pictures from a nearby meridian in the street, (right next to the traffic cop assigned to keep order), I had people looking at me suspiciously. There were plenty of people pointing at me, soon enough. And lots of pictures and video footage including me, eventually. A few of the braver souls eventually yelled across the street that I should have been more subtle... I was too obvious a plant.

A plant for what? I wasn't talking to them. I wasn't getting in their way. I wasn't trying to disseminate my own message. Assume the worst... that I was L Ron Hubbard reincarnate... then what harm was I still causing to them? Are protesters there to be seen or not? Is there any value to being rude to people asking questions, as I watched them do to a couple others, just because they aren't part of your protest? Isn't that why you're there? You will never convince someone who's already hard-line for a cause. You're whole purpose in protest is to convince the people in the middle, who aren't firmly decided. To ignore them, or even chase them off, is just shooting yourself in the foot.

But... also not particularly shocking. The majority of the protesters were -- by appearance -- black block-ers. The people who go to ANY protest, in all black, wearing masks and imagining themselves to be the hard-core true-believers. My biggest problem with the black block, besides the fact that most of them are just obnoxious little pricks who protest because that's what "you're supposed to do", is that they always do it with their face covered. Attending a public protest with your face covered is meaningless. You protest because you want to stand up and say that no matter what the risk, I personally support this cause. To do so in a mask removes any personal commitment, making you a useless twat.

And of all the things to be pissed about -- to choose scientology says just as much about you as it does about them. They absolutely have some questionable practices. And I have a real problem with anyone who isn't open to questions. But in just about every major religion you'll find all the same basic issues as you do in Scientology. They all expect money... (tithing would have you give 10% of your income to the church). Mormons are just as secretive about their buildings and papers. Jehova's Witnesses have difficult and questionable restrictions on medical practices. I don't believe the scale at which the Scientologists do these same practices warrants this special attention. And on the chart of fucked-up institutions and practices that humanity inflicts upon itself, they don't even make the Top 100.

In the end, I don't care what they yelled at me. And if they want to film me, it just adds on to all the tourists' shots I probably already show up in ever summer. And attacking me just for taking pictures of people acting strangely on the streets of one of the main tourist locations in the country makes them no different than the cop who stopped me a week after September 11, 2001 for taking a picture of an empty street. I'm sure the black block will love that comparison.

hard drive

2008-03-01T03:30:42Z

to follow up...

I ordered a hard drive today, for the photo back-up thing. I went with a 500 gig external firewire 400 drive.

It also has USB 2, though I don't intend on using it. When you're dealing with long, large transfers of data, firewire easily outpaces USB 2, regardless of their specs. I didn't go the SATA route because my main computer is a MacBook which doesn't have an expansion slot for the appropriate card needed to connect to the drives.

I went with 500 gigs, because while still being obscenely large, it was a bit more stable than the 1 TB drives. Most reviews on the larger drives make them still sound a bit flakey, which is reasonable considering how new they still are. Even so, I'd guess as a strictly photo-archive, 500 gigs will hopefully last me another year or 2. I calculated that the largest my photo collection could currently be is 140 gigs, but I think realistically it's gonna be somewhere between 20 and 40, not counting thumbnails and crap.

I picked up a reasonably-well-reviewed drive from Newegg.com for $120 including shipping.

Piggy Back

2008-02-29T03:41:18Z

The picture's a couple weeks old, but I still love it. It was a sort-of-miracle capture. I'm walking down the street, in the cold, while my friends are goofing around and walking at the same time. It's dark, I don't have a flash. Even shooting wide open on a 2.8 lens, all my shots were blurry. And then there was this one.

We'd gone out to a club (Spellbound) and gotten kicked out at about 2:30 in the morning, as usual. We were walking down the street to a crepe place that stays open ridiculous hours just for such stupid people. And Nguyet wanted a piggy-back ride.

Living in Sin

2008-02-25T05:34:41Z

This was a pretty good weekend. I really didn't get enough work done, but I did get to relax. After the stress of last week, and the likely stress of this coming week...

After spending some time with Vail, Jessi, and the Boy down on the Mall, we all headed out to Sarah's "Living in Sin" party. I love having friends that I can spend 9 hours crowded into a small space with, without wanting to commit various homicidal acts.

It's a shame I didn't have time to grab my flash. I'm happy overall with my photos... but...

big hard drive

2008-02-23T00:13:18Z

I take a lot of photos.

(duh).

But they pile up on my computer for a month or so, and then get backed up to DVD. At which point, I don't access them very much. Call it frustration with having to dig up the disk and look though it. Call it "out of sight, out of mind...". But I just don't go back to my old photos often.

So I was thinking maybe I could get a huge external hard drive, and try to dump ALL my photos on there. I mean... just now I found a 1 TB gigabit ethernet SAN drive for about $200. That would hold me for a little while.

Thoughts?

(I really do tend to find I get much more use out of things when they're accessible.)

women wanted

2008-02-14T20:49:59Z

I took this about a block from my apartment yesterday. I was getting out of the house for a mental break, and thinking that I needed to photograph something for my daily shot. I had just started literally looking around me, when I saw this sign.

Some things never change, in this neighborhood.

sketch

2008-02-14T01:41:33Z

So here's a bit of what I was working on. My sketchbook is a mess. It would probably mean nothing to another designer. But I just get enough down so I can remember what I was thinking. That way I can get the idea out of my head and make room for something else.

When I started as a designer, I thought sketching was mostly a waste of time. I felt that it was much easier to modify your art on screen, so why would you waste time with a pencil. And I even had a coworker bitch me out for asking the boss for a sketchbook, because I could 'just sketch on the back of user copier paper'.

Now... I always have to start with sketches. The computer is too concrete. And once I start messing with something digitally, I have a hard time putting it down until it's done. Sketching on paper is fast and loose and much more inspirational for me.