I haven't tried to make New Year's resolutions since I was in elementary school. And I'd surely break every one of them if I tried now. But I'm not going to try. It doesn't fit with the way I handle those kinds of things.

But the New Year does make me introspective. Retrospective? Contemplative? One of those -ives. So in the last few days I've been thinking about how my life is going.

I am healthy. Compared to many of my friends, and most of my family, I'm incredibly healthy. I am secure. Living in a decent place. I've been running my own business for over 4 years, and making a living off it. And the number of ways that has changed my thinking for the better are innumerable. I have every toy I've ever wanted, and learned that I'm happier with less of them. In recent years, I've gotten back in touch with many old friends, and made many new ones. That's probably the best thing on this list. And those friends and family let me take pictures. I don't have "that 1 special woman", but I do have so many women in my life that mean more to me than any of the past "1 special womens".

And I have a cat.

I'm not happy with my life, because to me that implies being content. And I have way to many things I want to do, to be content. I am, instead, just very happy.

“If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business, because we’d be cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down."

-- Ray Bradbury

“Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a great artist - a master - and that is what Auguste Rodin was - can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is… and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be… and more than that, he can make anyone with the sensitivity of an armadillo, or even you, see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply imprisoned inside her ruined body. He can make you feel the quiet, endless tragedy that there was never a girl born who ever grew older than eighteen in her heart… no matter what the merciless hours have done to her."

-- Robert A. Heinlein

“Live forever, or die in the attempt."

-- Joseph Heller

“To fall in love is to create a religion that has a fallible god."

-- Jorge Luis Borges

I went looking for an old photo today, of a friend back in college. Open the "photos" folder, open the "people" folder, open the "friends" folder. Looking at the thumbnails, I'm immediately struck that the majority of photos are disturbingly attractive women. Kind of self-selectig, no doubt. Women are typically more comfortable in front of the camera. And if a photographer has a choice of who to photograph, how many wouldn't choose the hawt chick? (These are not photos I've taken)

Are beautiful women that common? Am I that lucky? Am I delusional? Should I just shut up and enjoy it?

Observed: A good measure of how badly I need a haircut is just how ridiculous I look when I wake up in the morning.

I stood in the doorway earlier this week and watched someone drive their Mini Cooper down the street with a full-sized couch strapped to the top. Almost hard to tell who was carrying who.

I was waiting for the delivery of my new bed. It's such a hopelessly adult thing, waiting excitedly for a new bed. The bed is now here, delivered less than 24 hours after I ordered it. The mattress should arrive sometime next week.

I was quite happy with my old bed/couch. I'd been sleeping on it for 10 years, with no complaints. So everyone who wants to pick on it -- which was everyone -- can kiss my ass. But it has gotten had to ignore the realities of the occasional need to potentially share sleeping arrangements with other people. Most of the women who have stayed on the old futon had no public complaints, but...

There does seem to finally be something tangible going on in my life right now, (besides the obvious 'trying to get hawt chicks into bed'). Let's see where this goes.

When did 15k a second get to be too slow? When did I get old enough to ask questions like that?

So I have a few minutes while this template is downloading.

Kinda late to say it, but I had a great extended weekend, last weekend. I have purty books from National Geographic. Checked out the Prop 8 protest. I got to spend time with old and medium friends, and to meet new people who could hold an intelligent conversation. Parties and food and meat, oh my.

This kind of thing is good for me. Whatever has been happening the last couple weeks, I am not currently yelling at my phone and computer when no one else is there.

Playing with shots from the Shannon Shoot again. I really wanna do another shoot... who oh who can I ask?

I've been drinking alcohol sporadically now for about 2 and a half months. The selection has actually been fairly limited, partly out of ignorance and partly out of opportunity. It's been largely beer, wine, and cider, with a handful of mixed drinks. Overall I can't say anything had the least effect on me other than some Margaritas drunk during the vice presidential debate. (Although it may have just been Palin that was making me feel a bit woozy.) Even that was just barely, really. I'm not particularly anxious (nor even worried about) getting completely smashed, or anything. (There is a kind of academic interest in seeing what effect it would have on my social skills, as that's been a discussion topic for years, with other people.)

But if it's normally having no noticeable physical effect on me, and the taste is only enjoyable about half the time so far, then what exactly is the appeal to drinking? Alcoholic drinks cost considerably more than soda and ice tea. And some people can't seem to decide if they should be annoyed at me when I ask about drinks. I don't think they can really grasp the concept of being completely ignorant of the topic.

That's just it, though. I am -- well, was and mostly still am -- completely ignorant on the subject. How many things in life can you claim to be completely knowledge-less about, that are still very common and popular activities? This is actually exciting. Learning something new. And being able to do so anywhere, with anyone. I can't remember the last time I picked up a whole new subject from scratch. Two and a half months, taking pretty much any opportunity that came up. (Don't worry mom, it was surprisingly few). And I still barely even scratch the surface. And those people that decided I am being sincere seem to get a lot of enjoyment out of it as well. I think everyone likes passing on what they know... and this is a topic everyone knows. No matter what the disparity in knowledge, no matter what the lack of previous social interaction... this is something that always seems to connect. Imagine being able to try something completely new at almost every place you go.

obligatory: yes, i voted. Spent an hour in line at my polling place. Which wasn't too bad, compared to the last 2 major elections.

I kind of want to write before I hear any of the official results. As it is, it seems very likely that Obama will win, barring some hijinks/lawsuits/evil after the election is over. It all has a very epic feel to it. The last few days, even jaded people have been talking to me about this being a great moment in history. Obama is inspiring people in a way we haven't seen in 40 years. (So much for all those people who told me his inspirational nature wouldn't matter).

I don't know what kind of president he will likely be. I have my concerns. But fuckit... given this job, I would have my concerns about anyone. This is one of those positions where no one is completely qualified. And it's also not a job done alone. It will be interesting to see cabinet choices and such.

And political correctness aside, I will take a certain pride in seeing a black man stand up there representing our country. We talk a lot of high ideal shit in this world, only to have it be rendered meaningless by a bunch of rich, old, white men. Seeing the quintessential American success story stand up and represent us will be a nice change.

I don't have a particular hate for McCain, although I get the feeling he was led down the wrong path in this election. He abandoned everything that made him McCain, and started blatantly appealing to the most extreme, unbalanced parts of his own party. The nomination of Palin is just downright insulting. I swore to myself 3 years ago that the massive trauma the republican party was going through was intentionally self inflicted. It looked to me like they were killing off the weakest sitting members of their party, in hopes of bringing in fresh blood to those positions. But if that's at all true, their timeline is much longer than I expected.

i am happy.